Traveling with a spouse or partner can be exhilarating—or a challenge to both your relationship and your patience. Even long-time companions can have very different travel styles, and while one person may be blissfully content wandering leisurely through museums or napping on a beach, the other person may prefer dashing from one historic monument to the next, guidebook in hand. 

Regardless of how different your styles may be, there are proven ways to travel in harmony. Sharing responsibilities for planning and agreeing on time allocation are keys to a pleasant experience. Allowing each member of a relationship space to be himself or herself is an equally essential component. 

According to Judith Blackstone, PhD, author of The Empathic Ground (SUNY Press, 2007), Living Intimately: A Guide to Realizing Spiritual Unity in Relationships (Watkins Publishing Limited, 2002) and The Intimate Life (Sounds True, Inc., 2011), one of the most challenging aspects of any relationship is learning to appreciate—and embrace—the other person’s differences. 

Some things to consider

Remember: There’s no rule that says you have to be joined at the hip. Are you an early bird? Let your partner sleep in while you pick up maps and snacks for the day. After breakfast, don’t be afraid to go separate ways. Head out to that gallery you’ve been reading about, and feel free to sit and gaze for as long as you like at a favorite work. Fill in your afternoon by wandering at leisure around the remains of an ancient ruin. When you meet up for dinner later, you can describe the way the light played across the tumbled stones, while your partner can regale you with stories of the technological exhibit or famous library that he or she explored.

Agree ahead of time on a few shared events, and do some research to find a concert, film or play you’ll both enjoy. Follow up the performance by ducking into a late-night coffee shop for something sweet, or sip champagne on a rooftop terrace bar where you can gaze together over the lights of your new surroundings. Make an occasion of it, and you’ll have created a wonderful shared memory. As author Miriam Beard said, “Travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.”

Play to your strengths. If one person enjoys (or is especially good at) organizing, let him or her handle tickets and transportation; if you’re great at sniffing out off-the-beaten track sights, have that information prepared well before your departure date. “It’s stressful to travel, to be in a different place. Who’s going to navigate, who’s going to handle the money or learn a few phrases of the local language? Have those conversations beforehand,” suggests Blackstone. Then, allot time to do something together that you both find relaxing. 

If your relationship has been under stress, take deliberate steps to nurture it during your vacation time. Book a couple’s spa treatment that will allow you to each relax while still in the other’s company. Taking a cooking class or a hands-on art session together can be a great bonding experience. Likewise, taking time out from doing your own to thing to participate in a shared cycling excursion or a vineyard tour can be low-stress ways to spend time together for a half or full day.

Hotel rooms, tents and cruise ship cabins take you out of your comfort zone and can be quite small. Before you leave home, come up with a plan to handle stressful moments on the road. Sometimes, it just takes something familiar to reset the mood. Find a lighthearted trigger word that will let the other person know you’re feeling a little overwhelmed. Then book that spa treatment, or head for the beach with those books you’ve each been longing to finish, or simply enjoy a well-earned nap.

“Be ready to change gears when necessary,” advises Blackstone. Ultimately, she explains, being flexible and listening to what the other person needs—and respecting that it may be the polar opposite of what you need—shows that you not only value your relationship, but that you also value one another as individuals.